Monday, October 30, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Welcome to Nicolo Muraro. He entered this world at 3:29pm on 29 October 2006, in North Carolina. He is my fifth (5th) grandchild and only my second (2nd) grandson, with another grandson on the way. Nicolo will forever share the birthday of my deceased brother Marty who was born on the same date in 1963.
Three blondes were attempting to change a light bulb. After having severe problems one of them decides to call Sandstone County Dispatch.
Blonde: We need help.
Dispatch: What is the problem, ma'am?
Blonde: We were trying to change a light bulb . . .
Dispatch: This number is for emergencies only, ma'am.
Blonde : But this is an emergency!
Dispatch: Ok, Ok. Let's see. Did you put in a fresh bulb?
Dispatch: Hmmmm. Is the power in the house on?
Blonde: Of course.
Dispatch: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Dispatch: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Dispatch: Again, this number is only for emergencies! What is the nature of your problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
- 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptiz cats!
- 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair!
- 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
- 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
- 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
- 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
- 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
- 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
- 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
- 2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
- 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
- 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
- 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
- 6) Middle age is when yo u choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
- 1) Growing old is mandatory; Growing up is optional.
- 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
- 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
- 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
- 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
- 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
- 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
- 1) You believe in Santa Claus.
- 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
- 3) You are Santa Claus.
- 4) You look like Santa Claus.
- At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
- At age 12 success is. . . having friends.
- At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
- At age 35 success is . .having money.
- At age 50 success is . . having money.
- At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
- At age 75 success is . . .having friends.
- At age 80 success is . . .not peeing in your pants.
Last night while watching "The Unit" (a great show by the way), I got my annual jolt of rampant commercialism. Sure, it happens every year. Sure, it's usual to complain that it comes earlier every year but now they are really pushing it. I am beyond sick of it! If you haven't guessed yet, I saw my first Christmas commercial yesterday.
Let's see where we are in this. Yesterday was October 24th. Halloween would still be a week away. Thanksgiving is still 30 days away, making that a full month. Christmas is 62 days away or longer than 2 months. Argh. How long will it be before these commercials are pushed ahead of Labor Day. Don't laugh, it's probably coming.
I think this even has Santa scratching his head in disbelief. I just want to get through the deer season without having to think about Christmas and it's commercialism and I surely think we should get by Halloween safely. Give me a break, please!
I could be wrong about these holiday commercials coming earlier each year and it's only a false perception, as I have been told. I am going to find out. The date of this years first Christmas commercial seen by me is now documented (24 Oct.) on this blog. I will watch this in the coming years and see if there is a slow creeping towards summertime.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
There has been a major crime wave, of late, in Sandstone County. The local grocer has been fuming over the disappearance of a large quantity of his shopping carts. Not willing to let a crime spree of this magnitude tarnish the great name of his jurisdiction, Deputy Hidrent is working overtime to put an end to these thefts. It has not been in vain, as the courageous officer has already located one of the carts.
It appears to have been vandalised but, Deputy Hidrent swears he will bring down the dirtbag criminals who are responsible and punish them to the full extent of the law. He will be survelling the Sandstone Grocery Emporium during the next four nights between the hours of 7:00 pm and 6:00 am. If anyone has any information on this crime they may report it to Deputy Hidrent during these hours. He will be in the cedar bushes on the north end of the lot.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Thursday, October 19, 2006
I didn't expect so many great posts. I had to chose one, however, sooo
I'm going with -
Announcement: Stairway to Heaven is currently closed.
Please take the highway instead.
a contribution from matt.
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY US PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GAVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq Regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2 Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come.
If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin." Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic. God bless America. Thank you and good night. If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
sent to me by a friend
my sentiments exactly
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
In the far northern section of Sandstone County a woman and a man were involved in a car accident. Both of their cars were totally demolished but amazingly neither of them were hurt. God works in mysterious ways.
The man slowly crawled out of his vehicle and immediately went to check on the occupant of the other car. He arrived at her door to find her engaged in a phone conversation. After several attempts he finally muscled the jambed car door open. "Are you alright", he asks the woman.
"I am fine", she replies as she packs her phone away in a purse, "and you?"
"I'm OK," he says, as he helps her from the badly damaged vehicle. Only now does he notice how stunningly beautiful she is!
They then stand awkwardly on the shoulder for a time until finally she breaks the silence. "So you're a man," she states, "that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends. Very, close friends."
Flattered, the man nervously replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God. Who am I to argue with God"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a long drink. He then extends the bottle out to the woman. She gestures no and tells him he should have a little more to settle his nerves. Thinking he must be the luckiest man alive he obliges with another long swig. Once more he is enticed into tipping the bottle before she finally accepts it from him. She immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "aren't you having any?"
Looking over his shoulder she replies with a smile, "No. Thank You. I think I'll just wait for the police....
The Sigma 300-800 f/5.6 EX APO HSM AF is the longest zoom lens for the 35mm format. It is, also, the heaviest at 12.9 pounds. Ouch. This toy even focuses down to an amazing twenty (20) feet.
So, who wants one?
Ah, did I mention, it will take $6,200. (street price) to get one in your camera bag. Is your bag big enough? Is your wallet?
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Deputy Hidrent pulled a guy over for speeding yesterday and they had the following exchange:
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer Hidrent: OK, dirtbag may I see the owner's registration for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer Hidrent: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer Hidrent: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer Hidrent: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Upon hearing this, Deputy Hidrent immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too
Monday, October 16, 2006
Sunday, October 15, 2006
It's that time of year where hunting, esp. deer hunting, starts to weigh heavily on my mind. During this time, I am usually thinking of and eager to try a new product or technique which may increase my hunting success or enjoyment. I recently heard about, a product called MDR 24/Seven granular scents. While being sceptical, I am somewhat curious about it's claims and think I may give this product a try.
It is claimed that these granules don’t evaporate, sink in or freeze. They are said to be weatherproof. Now, the popular scents that most of us use immediately start to diminish in potency upon application. The scent continues to evaporate throughout the day. It isn't long before the scent is virtually undetectable by even a deer. What good is this? Yet, when applying the scent you leave your own wonderful human smell behind which is said to last for 24 hours.
MDR 24/Seven is said to last several days and keeps scent in the area around the clock (or 24 seven). The Dominant Buck and Estrus Doe scents come from glands and urine and Early Buck is all gland based, no urine. This product is granular and comes in a shaker bottle.. It also comes Unscented and you can pour your own favorite scent in the shaker to make a longer lasting scent. A 4-oz bottle of unscented product will make 10-ozs of MDR granules.
It seems to me this product might be worthwhile. If it's that long-lasting I won't have to trample my scrap areas to reapply the scent over and over. Has anyone tried this product? I may just test these granuals this year.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
There seemed to be an uncomfortable scramble to cram in details in nearly every scene. The whole movie seems very rushed. Yet the audience is given precious little information on the back story leaving you scratching your head for explanations of what might have started the whole plot. We don't even get to learn why the bad guys want to kill the president. We learn almost nothing of the bad guys. In fact character development, all around, was almost non-existent. Isn't this what stories are about?
Don't expect too much and you may enjoy watching this movie.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
OK, here's an entry.
Not exactly what I had in mind for a caption but,
it's creative and I like it.
So, from AndersonNation we have -
From the rising of the sun in New York City
To the sunset on the docks of big L.A.
Rides the hero of our highways
Across our beloved land
He holds the life of our nation in his hand
Thunder Chicken rolls across America
650 miles every day
One rig, eighteen wheels
Forty tons of rolling steel
Thunder Chicken, you're the pride of the U.S.A.
In one such project, 'Studies about mirror', her subjects were to draw or paint self-portraits with a mirror as their visionary tool. All of these subjects were mentally handicapped. Angela masterfully merges her vision of them creating visions of themselves, with their versions of themselves. The result stirs the heart and exercises the mind.
The presentation of her work is, also, distinctive and worthy of praise. She creatively uses flash presentations to engage the viewer in an stunning visual treat. Now, instead of me tripping along any further, in my inadequate descriptions of Angela's world, why don't you check out her site for yourself. If you're tired of the mundane, don't miss any corners of this impressive body of work.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Yesterday, an anonymous phone call was received at the Sandstone Dispatch. Here is the transcript.
Caller: "Is this the sheriff's department?"Early this morning, after a search warrant was obtained, Sandstone County Deputies descended upon the Bagg's household. Led by Deputy Hidrent they search the area where the firewood is kept. Deputy Hidrent was quoted as saying, "your butt is finally mine, dirtbag. There's no getting out of this one." Using axes, the group of deputies start to bust open the firewood, when they are halted by Deputy Hidrent. "Stand aside fellas, this bust is all mine." He then proceeded to split every piece of wood wide open, while the others looked on. With each cord of wood his swings became more frantic, until finally the last log was layed bare. Cursing and wiping the sweat from his brow Deputy Hidrent finally screamed, "there's no damn drugs here!"
Dispatch: "Yes sir. This is Sandstone County Dispatch. How can I help you?"
Caller: "I'm calling to report on my neighbor Dirk Baggs. I have reason to believe he is hiding a large amount of cocaine in his firewood."
Dispatch: "In his firewood, sir? Are you sure about this?"
Caller: "I'm very sure. I've seen it with my own eyes. I hate to narc but, this is just wrong!"
Dispatch: "What are you saying, sir? What do you mean by, in his firewood?"
Caller: "He hollows it out, man. It's clever. He puts little plugs in each piece and you can't even tell. I mean, it's ingenious. He told me he plans on selling firewood all through the heating season, man. Get it? I'm tellin' ya it's ingenious. I don't approve or nothing but, it is kinda smart, man. You see what I'm saying? He, also, told me he made a killing selling firewood last year. I'm sure you know what he's talking about. I wish I would have though about it. Hey man, I don't mean it that way. You know what I mean.
Dispatch: "Well, thank you very much for the call, sir. We'll have it checked out."
Caller: "Hey, no problem, man. I just want to do the right thing."
Dispatch: "Trust me sir, you have done the right thing. You're an excellent citizen and we appreciate people like you. Thank you again and goodbye."
Caller: "OK, man, goodbye."
After further cursing and threatening, they slowly, all left the scene.
Much later, according to Mr. Anonymous, he called Dirk at home and here is how he related that call.
The phone rings at Dirk's house. "Hey, Dirk! Did the sheriffs visit you today?"
"Yeah. How did you know?"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep the fools sure did"
"Happy birthday, Buddy"
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
...by Mimi from "Mimi Writes"
A smorgasbord of non-classic art, sports, quirky statistics and rambling Biblical prose, WebGamin –today’s Bestest Blog of the Day pick – is not all about games. “I aimlessly roam the streets of the World Wild Web. Perhaps here is a chance to rest my head.” Virtual world or real world, the author (dubbed The Gamin) is a self-proclaimed Minnesota Vikings fan, photography buff and blues lover. Among other things.
But perhaps he’s best known for the Sandstone County series written and prefaced as Sandstone County Sheriffs Department - To Serve, To Protect, To Get Rid of All Dirtbag Criminals by 2026. Doled out in short and witty episodes, The Gamin just posted number forty-two. Here’s a hilarious snippet.
WebGamin is a bit of old-school philosophy with overtones of The Godfather where mafia members mysteriously morph into cowboys; at least that’s what it feels like. Don’t mind me. I’m just wandering aimlessly through the streets of The Wild Wild West......er....I mean Sandstone County waiting for the next criminal to make me laugh.
You'll find a large slice of life in this blog, ranging from political news commentary to Amazing Paper Art to Dust Art. The pictures are truly unique. You won't believe what this guy can do with a bunch of dirt. Dust art? Of course! What else would you expect in Sandstone County?
WebGamin is worth a look and a read. Hop on over there and tell the sheriff that Miss Mimi and Bestest Blog sent you! There are some interesting characters just waiting to welcome you to their wild virtual world. posted by Bobby Griffin @ 12:10 AM
Welcome to any new visitors sent my way. Please stay with me on my travels as I have some interesting improvements planned for the future.
If anyone feels the need to pat me on my virtual back please use the comment section.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Thursday, October 05, 2006
The bank then called the police and Mr. Shinnick was arrested. It turns out that the check was fraudulent. The unwitting customer had no idea that his buyer presented him with a bad check. After all, the very reason he went to the bank in the first place was to check it's validity. Our shocked Mr. Shinnick got a night in jail and $14,000 in legal fees for his efforts.
Feeling the event was caused by the banks error, Matthew pleaded with the bank to cover his legal fees. The bank has refused to pay. Clark Howard even offered to pay one half of the fees if the bank would pay the other half. Bank of America still refused.
Clark Howard is now proposing Bank of America customers close their accounts, since the bank clearly does not care about its customers.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
NEW YORK -- Joe Mauer became the first catcher to win the American League batting title, going 2-for-4 for the Minnesota Twins on the final day of the regular season to hold off the New York Yankees' Derek Jeter.
Mauer doubled and singled against the Chicago White Sox, leaving his average at .347 down from a high of .392 on July 1 but good enough to best Jeter, who went 1-for-5 against Toronto and wound up at .343.
"You couldn't really not think about it," Mauer said. "There were so many questions. Scores on the board, people saying you need to do this, do that. I've never been so nervous in my life. I'm just happy it's all over with and we're here celebrating."
Mauer became the first catcher to win a batting title in either league since Ernie Lombardi hit .330 for the 1942 Boston Braves.
"That's something you can never take away when you're the first. It's unbelievable, the things that happened today," Mauer said.
Jeter, who has never won a batting title, finished second to Boston's Nomar Garciaparra in 1999 and four years later went 0-for-3 on the final day, finishing two points behind Boston's Bill Mueller and one back of Manny Ramirez.
"Everyone would love to win a batting title," Jeter said. "We got bigger and better things starting on Tuesday, so that's our main focus."
The Yankees and Twins both finished as AL division champions. New York faces Detroit in the first round and Minnesota plays Oakland.
Pittsburgh's Freddy Sanchez won the NL batting title for the first time, going 2-for-4 against Cincinnati to wind up at .344, five points ahead of Florida's Miguel Cabrera.
Minnesota's Johan Santana and the New York Yankees' Chien-Ming Wang topped the AL at 19-6. In the NL, six pitchers tied with 16 wins.
Santana won his second AL ERA title at 2.77 and struck out 245 to lead the majors and win his third straight AL title.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Wade used his finger and other implements to etch this homage to Vincent Van Gogh’s ‘Starry Night’ and Leonardo da Vinci’s ‘Mona Lisa.’
Wade lives off the unpaved Roadrunner Road north of San Marcos, which dusts the back windows of his car and gives him the canvases to create his own works of art.
A gimme-capped John Kelso was the subject of one window portrait.
Besides his finger, Wade uses traditional art tools, such as paintbrushes, and unconventional ones, like a chewed Popsicle stick, to make his drawings.
Wade takes pride in his creations, but he knows that with one good shower, his work will just wash away.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Officer Hidrent arrived at the station today wearing one black shoe and one white shoe. His captain starts to yell at him, "you are, once again, ruining the reputation of all law enforcement personnel because of your extreme stupidity. Now go home and change your shoes."
Deputy Hidrent goes home and returns about an hour later, but he was still wearing shoes of two different colors. His captain screams, "I told you to go home and change those shoes."
Deputy Hidrent glumly replied, "but boss you don't understand. I have a major problem. The other pair of shoes at my house are black and white, too."