GREAT TRUTHS

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

• 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptiz cats!
• 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair!
• 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
• 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
• 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
• 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
• 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
• 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
• 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
• 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

• 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
• 2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
• 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
• 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
• 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
• 6) Middle age is when yo u choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

• 1) Growing old is mandatory; Growing up is optional.
• 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
• 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
• 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
• 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

• 1) You believe in Santa Claus.
• 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
• 3) You are Santa Claus.
• 4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

• At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
• At age 12 success is. . . having friends.
• At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
• At age 35 success is . .having money.
• At age 50 success is . . having money.
• At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
• At age 75 success is . . .having friends.
• At age 80 success is . . .not peeing in your pants.

sent to me by my daughter