Sunday, July 02, 2006

Sandstone County - Episode Twenty-One

Sandstone County Sheriffs Department - To Serve, To Protect, To Get Rid of All Dirtbag Criminals by 2026

I must say, when I found the following info in a brochure (located at a local convinence store), I was somewhat taken aback. What gives these guys the right? Is this even legal? I always believed hunting regulations were instituted at the state level. How can a county propose their own hunting regulations? I don't believe they can. If any attorneys get wind of this the are going to have a hayday in court!


1300.01 GENERAL

-Any person with a valid Sandstone County hunting license may harvest attorneys.
-Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
-Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
-It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
-It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash," "ambulance," or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
-It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
-It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
-It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
-If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
-Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.
-It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2
Two-faced Tort Feasor 1
Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator 4
Big-mouthed Pub Gut 2
Honest Attorney EXTINCT
Cut-throat 2
Back-stabbing Whiner 2
Brown-nosed Judge Kisser 2
Silver-tongued Drug Defender $100 BOUNTY
Hairy-assed Civil Libertarian 7

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