I am officially putting my hat into the ring. In spite of all the false claims everyone has heard in the media - I am the father of Annie's child. I must confess, I had a clandestine affair with dear Annie which lasted about 11 months. While temporarily residing in my double-wide trailer with me, Annie told me she was tired of all the damn money-hungry scavengers who were constantly invading her otherwise pristine life. The chaos was more than she could bear and she wanted me to make her the 'princess' of my little trailer park. I tried to grant her request, too, but my wife would have nothing to do with it.
If anyone should have any doubts as to MY paternity of precious, little Dannielynn Hope, I simply say . . . fly me to the Bahamas. After a short three week, or so, stay over there I am sure this will all be cleared up. There will be no further doubts in anyones mind if they see me side-by-side with my little angel. While I am there I would like to meet Annie's beautiful mother. I've had a secret crush on her for some time. I even believe she would be good marrying material and we should meet to see if there are any sparks. If not I would sure like to meet her awesome sister Donna. It's like we were made for each other. I love you Donna.
So, Larry, Fredrick, and Howard - step aside. We all know what the real truth is. You greedy bastards have too much money already, anyway. Beside, money is not what's important here. I simply want to be united with my family. I demand it. Someone please send me some tickets (and a little spending cash) so I can get this debacle straightened out, once and for all.
Donna dearest and mom, hope to see you soon!
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