Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Sandstone County - Episode Five

Sandstone County Sheriffs Department - To Serve, To Protect, To Get Rid of All Dirtbag Criminals by 2026

In the county of Sandstone, where all of the civil servants and officers are extremely courteous a patrol car had been following a certain vehicle for about 30 minutes. When the car finally decided to pull over the polite officer steps out and walks up to the driver's window.

"Good afternoon sir", said the smiling officer.

"Good afternoon, any problems?

"No sir. My partner and I have been following and observing you for a half an hour now. We ascertained that you have not committed one single traffic violation, you have not gone over the speed limit by even 1 mph, and you were courteous towards your fellow drivers on the road. Therefore, as a part of our new 'solid driving awareness program', which I originated by the way, I would like to present you with this check for $30,000.00."

The driver puts down his handgun, lets out a big sigh of relief and replies, "oh good! Now I can finally pay to get my driver's license. (Ooops!)"

Awkward silence, then the wife sitting in the passenger seat with a sawed-off shotgun in her lap goes, "don't listen to him, officer, he always talks nonsense when he has been drinking."

Grandma who's a little hard of hearing, puts down her crack pipe and adds from the backseat, "aye aye aye, didn't I tell you we shouldn't have gone in a stolen car?"

About this time, the trunk pops open and a head peeks out yelling "are we over the border yet?"

The officer was, at first, extremely upset. Then, when he realized they were actually transporting an illegal he decided all was forgiven. Thinking the check would help them in their cause he handed it to them, shook their hands, wished them his best. Upon returning to his patrol car he started getting a queasy feeling in his gut. After realizing that this was not from the half-dozen, or so, donuts he had this morning he returned to the car that had pulled over.

"One more thing he stated, while reaching for his vastly over-sized wallet, "I've had a stirring feeling in my gut and I can't let you go until I contribute some of my personal money. He handed them a fantastic sum of money saying, "here's some greenbacks for the wetback."

"We can't possibly take your personal money", said the driver.

"Sure you can," said the officer and "here's a little more. I've got my priorities right you know and I'ld only lose it all in a poker game anyway."

Both parties then drove their separate ways.

Once again, all is good in Sandstone County.

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